I am so broken.


I am in need, and need more than I am ever capable of by myself. Everyday I am incapable of anything by myself. Do we realize that?


I am beginning to realize my human-ness and how unworthy I am of...well, all things.


I think that I have not been asking, so in the same way, I am just not seeing. Not feeling. Not moving.


I am NOT. I am His. 


I cry out because I know He hears me, He holds me, and He moves. Never giving up.

radiant

I need you more

More than yesterday

I need you more

More than words can say

More than the air I breathe
More than the song I sing
More than the next heartbeat
More than anything
And Lord, as time goes by, I will be by your side
Cause I never want to go back to my old life.

Right here in Your presence is where I belong
This old broken heart has finally found a home
And I'll never be alone
I need you more…'cause I never want to go back 

Some people from our base went to Chico, CA a week ago. It was a conference to wait in His presence. To be refreshed from His sweet goodness.


It's a love that is more than anything. He has and IS love. Powerful, beyond words, captivating love. I was so encouraged because I sent out an email to my support group, is what I call it?, and asked for them to fight for this time for us. Prayer is so key. Ahh, I just am blessed by people agreeing with what God is doing and seeking His face for others. The body in a way that humbly prayers before the Lord.


God is doing something in this time, beyond age, beyond what mission organizations you are with, what church you go to, what small group you are in. He is moving in a way that defies all our means to have ANYTHING to do with it. He is showing us that He is what brings us together, to set aside religion, to set aside our own anything, but to give a common thread in us. Really to remind us that we have always had a one thread. One heart beat. One goal. To see that we, without Him could NEVER prepare for His outpouring. We are independent, selfish people, with our own ambitions. SO how could WE ever be the reason that there is passion flowing in and out of people with one heartbeat?! to see the blood of Jesus be the reason that we GLORIFY. That it is no longer about us... it never was. We have a heart to see people be captivated in the love of Jesus. It's hard to resist, ya? SO GET EXCITED.


His refreshment flows like crisp, fresh air, to deep parts of my heart. Simplicity. 
There is a debt, a redemption that He has paid that we could never return, and are never expected to. He's wiped our name clean, it is Holy and pleasing to Him. He bought us back, with deliverance, with radiance, with brightness! (Ephesians 1:7)


We are a generation that says NOW. When we say, let's have a revival, a refreshment, we just became an open heaven for other people. His Kingdom is breaking into our world.
"When you ask the Kingdom to come, you have to be ready to see things you aren't going to understand." - Eric Johnson


A story that Eric told, is that we exhaust ourselves over the goodness of God. We approach it in a way that is, "we better get this now, while it's here, cause it's never coming again..." We think that what He started was to come in waves, that it wasn't meant to last forever. That we better take this blessing now before it leaves. But in reality what He starts, He NEVER ends.
We need to position ourselves to steward that, in His presence, so it never ends.


We have all things, we are given all things because we are daughters and sons of a most loving Father, but we live in a way of desperation (the knowledge of lack) instead of in hunger (the knowledge of abundance.) We must become aware that He has given us total access to Himself. He is giving an opportunity for relationship. We have to stop asking like we can't have... because it was given to us. "We have to stop apologizing for things given for free" -Eric Johnson.


Break off the poverty and orphan spirit. 


"When we walk into His abundance we become a resource to the nations, because grace is more than just getting us out of debt, it's taking us into abundance." 


A lady was sharing a testimony of hers that radiated truth. Jesus told her, "My silence does not mean my displeasure." Mmm.


Andy Byrd, from YWAM Kona came and spoke as well. He spoke such life.
I will be writing another blog based on what he spoke on. It was heart changing. It was exciting and refreshing. Jesus is so exciting! 

For You are waiting

"How can we study His Word without spending hours in prayer every week, listening to Him speaking to us from His book? How can we study missions, unless we receive His burden for the unreached in the place of prayer? How can we study counseling, unless we are convinced that He can do far more for a broken person through prayer than we can ever accomplish through techniques of therapy? How can we study the Arts, unless we know the thoughts and burdens of the Original Artist?"

As I have been reading the DTS manual for this upcoming school, this phrase had me coming back to read and re-read it. It has something almost subtle, as if spoken in conversation, but then it holds this powerful statement. That if we desire the things of Jesus, how can we do this unless we really seek to know HIM and not just know about Him. Once a week, just won't cut it.


This is my prayer for the Central Coast. That we move out of this time of just talking about Him and realize that He is always speaking to us, and even in the silence He is speaking to us. Do we listen? Do we give Him 30 minutes? Can we give Him 6 hours? Even just sitting with Him, to be with Him, to know His presence. And this to me, is something I must continue to strive to do. Because these times that I close my eyes and draw near, He is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It is a feeling that is so intimate and pure.


But can we? Well, for better words...will we?


Is our ONE desire to gaze upon His beauty? 
Stop and just reflect on the power of those words. Us saying this is not just a nice pretty line, but we are saying...Jesus there is NOTHING more beautiful than you. There is no desire in this world that would satisfy me as much as just one look into Your beauty. 


Do we really wait for Him?
Or is it mostly us asking Him to wait for us? To have the control. Because it really comes down to control.


When we can control the environment, that's when we feel safe enough to let our guard down, right? To say, "Ok speak to me... on my terms."


He does most the waiting, I feel. If each time we walk into His presence, to say yes, He has been waiting for us since the last time we did that.


What if instead we sang, "Hallelujah our God reigns." For we are unworthy souls.

"He is the song we're declaring
He is the joy, He is my joy"

And sometimes I wonder, HOW DO WE MISS THIS?! How do I miss this? How do we sing this, read this, attempt to move in this, when we ourselves don't declare HE IS MY JOY! But more importantly, in all circumstances. In all times, THIS IS WHO HE IS. This is the Jesus that I serve.

Joy is something that I love more and more about Jesus.

For you make me giddy for Your love.

art.

So as many of you know, in the past 2 years, I have been more seriously pursuing art.
I love the idea of creativity in all things, whether it is thinking or painting or crafting, whatever! Jesus has just grown my passion to teach creativity, speak, encourage, and inspire through creativity. I mean after all He is the best example of all these things. It grows my love and my depth in Him, because He speaks so much in creativity. I mean, look around...


I am full time staff now with YWAM Pismo Beach, but I also will continue to seek any avenue of pursuing art because of the emphasis and joy that Jesus has continued to put on my life through pursuing art, that I just can't ignore.


My very sweet roommate has agreed to help me in this pursuit. She is just as much of a coffee lover as me, so naturally we start with checking out coffee shops and the possibilities and potential of having my art in places like this year round. Such an exciting thought! We were joking in the office today, as Will was calling a friend to get me some information on putting art in their shop, and I was in the back playing with Liam...Jael was taking notes on all the things that were important information in the conversation. She became a great secretary quickly. So we get to endeavor this together. Art is a great community thing, naturally one of my loves about it.


What I love about art is that there is freedom to grow, to change, to try new things, and not be scared of transitioning in and out of new ideas, projects...or going back to old ones. There is so much freedom in art. Freedom to express, tell stories, and release love. Jesus had a purpose when He made things unique, distinct, unlike anything else.


So all to say, this is something that is a passion and cry of my heart to see people's lives changed through art and healing to happen when we release our will to His.


My latest project has been back to journals.
I have this new obsession with a screen printer from Sweden. Her name is Lotta Jansdotter, and her style has inspired these journals that I have made here:

What I love about her is the simplicity in beauty that she brings. There is so many possibilities with this style of work, and all you need is some ink and watercolor!

Of course this is just side work to my everyday art that I do, but it's fun side work! 

These journals are 5x7 with 128 pages. They are thick paper where, if you are like me and write with heavy inked pens, you don't have to worry about it bleeding through.

They are $17 each. And if you would like to support me in buying one, this is a practical way to help! You just have to let me know :)

Have such a blessed day in Jesus name!

home sweet home.

So I just wanted say a quick little HELLO from Grover Beach, CA! This is my new home until the end of November...when we start transitioning all the singles into one staff house.

For the time being, these are my roomies:

Jael Bom from the Netherlands

Jacque Gowing from Colorado

aren't they both beauties?!

So for now, this will just be a picture blog. Some pictures of the apartment for your enjoyment! :)

This weekend I will hopefully have some time to just sit and write this weeks activities as being on staff for the first week, but for now it's a little crazy!

Thanks again for all your support to get me here! Praise Jesus from whom all blessings flow!

p.s. sorry for the grainy pictures. they were taken with my mac because my camera is still gone.

my wall art and bed under

messy bed with mom's stuff at the end (she has been a huge blessing being here this week)

and then my closet

dresser (jael prayed for one and got two!) the whole thing is filled with art supplies

view from the doorway (thats my moms blow up bed next to mine)

jael's bed! such a wonderful roommate

the view from the hallway, walking into the kitchen/living area. of course mom is cooking away!

the living room. jael being studios 

view from the front door

street view! isn't the weather looking lovely?

have a very blessed day!

so long to the big red white and blue

It's becoming final. It's that time where I begin to realize that trying to healthily wrap up seasons is more and more of my reality.
I am leaving all that I am familiar with and love here in Dallas again. Family, best friends, new friends, and things that are familiar to navigate through.
It's all coming to a close, I mean as far as this season of my life. The waiting before the...


Two nights ago I think was the night it really hit me, like it does every time before I leave. That I have a family, and extended family that loves me immensely and to always just pick up and leave, not only hurts my heart, but it's hard on sisters and parents who we miss living chunks of this life this life together.


I told one of my best friends Taylor the other night that I just became overwhelmed with the idea that this potentially will be the rest of my life. Picking up and leaving. Meeting people and having only 6 months to spend with them. This idea overwhelms me at times.


It's a funny thing to come to terms with at times, that I have this life that is in constant motion, constant change. Now, for me... I LOVE THIS. Just the excitement of the everyday unknown, but at the same time, the relational side of me hurts in that time. But the best part I think is that, it has never stopped me from loving people deeply, even though I know there will probably be a goodbye nearby.


Now, i've got to stop this sappy-ness.
Because yes, the sadness of leaving again hurts, but at the same time I have oh so much to look forward to!
I was talking to Aleesha yesterday (a regular in my phone) who is on staff, and the amount of times that we laugh in a conversation is outrageous to count. I have a new family in Pismo and THAT IS EXCITING!! That I get to walk back to a place that I once went not knowing a single person. Now it's a moment that I get to walk back into with some of my great friends. I get to continue to live life with people that I love so much, and that challenge and encourage me is incredible!


I was trying to go through my pictures and just pull out some "people missed" photos and then I realized that there are A LOT of people to be missed! So here are just a few highlighted. (insert sad song here)

this bundle of joy. my family

Reagan (I know you will DIE when you see this picture)

Hailey (Lemmy)

Taylor

p.s. we have ZERO pictures together. cool.

Kellye 

Grandma&Grandpa aka Alisa

Sarah (my cousin) just left this morning to do her DTS in Australia!!

So there are A LOT more that I could insert here, but I just gave a few examples. Lots of family and friends. People that have spoken such love and truth into my life. 

These are the people, that are fresh on my heart and mind. 

I've been able to spend the past 2 days in College Station, as Jesus provided through one of my dear friends the money for me to be able to come to be refreshed before I leave for Pismo by some of my best friends.

All in all to say, goodbye Texas for a little while! And i'm excited for this new season in California!!

p.s. the next time that I blog will be from my new home! :) NOW THAT'S EXCITING! 

Psalm 16:11

For You will make known to me the path of life,

In Your presence is FULLNESS of joy,

and in Your right hand are pleasures forever.

the name eunice

She is a unique woman. 
I was looking up names for my car and it came down to 2 names. Adah and Eunice. 
And yes, while Adah is much sweeter to say, Eunice just instantly had a connection to my heart.
I was looking up women in the Bible and the names and meanings and their stories. Both had pretty interesting stories, but Eunice's was something special.


She's mentioned in Acts, and then in 2 Timothy 1 saying, " when I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also."


Her name means happily conquering. 
What makes her unique, set apart, is her genuine faith. A faith so true, so pure.
She is Timothy's mother. The woman who raised Timothy to be such a man of Jesus.
She accomplished the task set before her, under difficult circumstances.


Eunice was raised in a Jewish home. Both of Eunice's parents were Jewish, as well as Eunice. But Eunice is a Greek name. In this time the adoption of Gentile names by the Jews was not as uncommon, for the lived amongst each other.  It was also common, the children of religious parents living in an irreligious culture tend to drift from faith and values of the parents.


Sound familiar? Us running away from the values we were taught, and rebelling, is not a new thing. 


Eunice when she was younger, hit some of those same rough patches. In her teenage life she walked away from all the faith she had. Pursuing a life pleasing to her. She married a Greek man. Her violation was not so much her marriage to someone outside of Judaism but that he was an unbeliever.


But then she had a child. She had a wake up call. They had to raise a child. But now, based on what? Because clearly their morals and beliefs were different.


She committed herself to teach Timothy the word and example the truth and wisdom of
the Bible, even if she would not be allowed to do it in a culturally Jewish way.
Along with that, she committed to be faithful to her husband. She made the decision that even in the circumstances she ended up in, she wanted to respect her husband and walk in the situation given as she was taught. 


In that time, when the young daughters began having children of their own, it was their opportunity to step away from the control of their own mothers and begin to do things their way. To say the least, the mothers and daughters were in a lot of battle over control.


Once again, not a new thing.


That's what makes Eunice so cool. She knew she couldn't raise Timothy on her own so she called on her mom, knowing that together her mother Lois and her could work together for the good of Timothy. Her mother laid aside all the ways that Eunice had continually run away and agreed.


1 Timothy 3: 14-17
 But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.  All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.


Then she handed over the main role of her teaching Timothy, to the guidance of mentors and men of the church, like Paul. 


So Lois, Eunice, and Timothy were there to hear Paul's gospel message the first time he came to
their town as a missionary.  They were so firmly grounded in the Word of God that when they finally did trust Jesus as their Messiah and received a complete life change through the Holy Spirit, they each had a wisdom and maturity which enabled them to teach and counsel others.


Gotta love this woman.


It's just a story of Jesus once again using real life situations to show His glory. A situation that was so caught up in this world, that He so beautifully allured to Himself.


Isn't He beautiful?


If you can't tell, I love stories. Jesus speaks to me so much in stories. I think it's because I can read them and re-read them over and over and connect something different, learn something new.
That's how I feel about this story. Hence why I named my car Eunice. There are so many more stories to be told and re-told.


This woman has faith that shook her circumstances, a faith that was so bold and so rooted that she raised a son that followed Jesus so beautifully.